The Bittersweetness Of The Unknown

I have been on a hunt for a job. Not just a job though, something that can be a starting base for a long term career. It has been a stressful, frustrating time of a roller coaster while looking for one. Man, does it do things to your emotions that you would not expect. I am a person that has always had a plan, and not really having a set map in front of me at the moment is kind of weird, but the unknown makes me a little excited for what and where I might land in the near future.

Here is where my map had started:

After attending a private Catholic school from Kindergarten-8th grade, I decided I wanted to attend a public high school, and chose Redondo Union. While I was in high school, I made a plan that I would go to a J.C. (any where except El Camino, to each thier own), than I would transfer over in no longer than 2 years to a 4 year University. What I would study, I was still unsure, but I knew that answer would come to me later as I continued my education. I graduated high school, and enrolled in Marymount College in P.V. (also a private Catholic junior college), where I finished up my general ed, and decided that I wanted to major in Philosophy. Why Philosophy? Well, besides the fact that I love it, I still wasn't sure what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, and wasn't great on the idea of school for about another 2 1/2 years. So I decided that if I'm going to go school, and I am able to pick something that I have to study day in, day out for my remaining college career, than I wanted to pick something I enjoyed. Yes, I enjoyed studying Philosophy. After 2 years at Marymount, and getting all the units I needed in order to transfer, I made a big life changing decision. I decided to go away to school.

No one in my family had ever gone away to school. I'm not sure why exactly either? Maybe because my family is so close with one another, and the thought of going somewhere outside of your own comfort zone is a scary thought in itself. Well, whatever the reason, going away for school just seemed like such a crazy and exciting idea, that the more I thought about it, the more I couldn't wait to do it.

The next thing to think about was where I was going to go away. This was more difficult of a decision to make than I had originally anticipated. There were so many choices, so many schools, so many places I wanted to see that I couldn't make up my mind. Process of elimination began and I narrowed it down to at least the area where I wanted to go. I definitely wanted to go somewhere up in Northern California. Now the question was, how far up north I wanted to go. I looked at Humboldt, I looked at Santa Cruz, I looked at Monterey, but there was one place in particular that just spoke the most to me, and the minute I saw the name of the city, I just knew it. I wanted to move to San Francisco!

I knew this is where I wanted my remaining years of my college career to take place. I found a university right smack in the heart of the city, and applied without even thinking twice about it. Bringing this news up to my parents was not the most easiest of things to do either; especially when you are in a very close Hispanic family, you are the only girl, and your father is the most protective father ever (with the best intentions at heart of course). My parents hearing that thier little girl wanted to spread her wings and go to San Francisco, was probably not what they were expecting at all. To liven up the conversation I threw in that Carlos Santana (who is my dad's all time favorite musician from the 60's & 70's) started his career out in Frisco. A musician probably wasn't the best example to use, but hey, Santana is his favorite, and it was worth a try. After the initial shock had surpassed, and the idea of me moving away to San Francisco had ever so slightly, warmed up to them (especially with the help of my older brother, who I still can not thank enough), they gave me thier blessing and were the most supportive parents ever. I shortly thereafter received my acceptance packet into the University of San Francisco (also a private Catholic -Jesuit College, guess I couldn't escape the private school scene).

Moving to San Francisco was one of the best decisions I had ever made. Granted there were those home sick moments, and the overwhelming school load giving me the occasional uncertainty if I could do this college stuff or not, despite that I had a blast. I made some amazing friends, unforgettable memories (the one's I can't remember, cameras captured those moments), and grew so much as a person. I studied my philosophy and even got back into my original passion and art form, dance. It all felt so great. I would come home and visit during the holidays, and family and friends would make a trip out to see me. They wanted to check out my new lifestyle and the beautiful place I lived. It was fairly freezing, rainy, and cold mostly, but beautiful.

This is where the road to my map, started to disappear:

I still had not decided on exactly what I wanted to do with my life, and time was running out. This was the one moment that I realized; I don't have a plan, a step, an instruction manual for what was supposed to happen next. Once this whole, going away to school in San Francisco chapter was over, than what was I supposed to do? Definitely not Grad school, I was burnt out with school, and still today have no real desire to apply. I guess, I would move back home? Apply for a job? You know, an adult one; not just a part time gig. It was a scary feeling. What I did know was that my path thus far had led me in this direction for a reason. I welcomed it graciously with open arms, and dove right in. God, was with me and had my back, so I knew somehow, I would be ok. Good 'ol faith, something you can always look to when you're lost. I graduated with my BA in Philosophy, I celebrated like there was no tomorrow with friends and family, and moved back home.

The chapter is closed, and now I am just in the midst of writing my next one. I have been putting my resume out to wherever I can, where I feel I would be a "good fit". I also keep in mind that this economy today is pretty much not the best when looking for a job. I know I'm not the only one out there feeling this way either. I haven't lost hope, and know that I am supposed to be somewhere and once I get there I'll know this is it, just like I did with my big move. I had applied for a position at a law firm recently. I had a first interview that went awesome, and the second was even better. I waited a whole week, thanked them for their time and consideration in me, but was basically over qualified, so I didn't get the job. That whole week of a waiting period, I had this sense of hope that maybe I finally found something! I was perfectly happy just living with that hope, living in the unknown. Once I was rejected that small piece of hope flew away. I'm not heart broken though, maybe a little disappointed, but that's normal and just means that wasn't where I was supposed to be. Again, God has my back, and I haven't lost sight of that at all.

I realized that I am drawing my map right now as I go, and I'm ok with that, not having a set plan for once. I'm happy, I'm healthy, I have a great family, friends, and boyfriend. I'm all good, my career will come. "All good things come to those who wait."